pain

Glory Through The Darkness

/ Susie Stewart / 22 Comments

So here we are again

five years after the first time,

 

cancer has made its ugly appearance

in my body yet again

 

And people wonder how I’m doing…

 

The news felt like a rude sucker punch

mixed with a river of sorrow

 

and yet

I had a feeling that was the diagnosis I would hear

 

Once again my husband and I held one another

and cried

and have stayed close to one another since the news came

 

Our children were told

and they were stunned,

sorrowful,

and older and braver than last time

 

My parents

supported with such love

and tenderness

and words deep

 

My brother and his wife

came right over

with food love

and flowers sweet

and listening ears

 

Phone calls were made

and friends were told

and they offered up unbelievable support and love

endless

 

And people wonder

how am I feeling?

 

I feel

sad

and  I feel thankful

and I feel strong

in my sorrow

 

And I am keenly aware

once again

that all the people care,

 

but my deepest need

is for my Jesus

 

In all of this

I can’t get my mind off of the One

who is my Rock

my Comfort

my Everything

 

And it’s me

and it’s Him

eyes locked on one another

 

My good

and His glory

are

ALWAYS

His intent

 

And I walk forward

taking one day at a time

just like we all do

 

yet

with a sharper focus

on every

little

thing

 

I pray with all my might

that healing would be mine

 

and I know He’s heard every word

 

And the sentiments I penned

one day before diagnosis

are true in the valley of the shadow ~

 

“My relationship

with the Lord of the Universe

is new

freeing

and vibrant”

 

Cancer is ugly

God is my freedom

 

His unchanging character

did not flinch

 

when I was diagnosed with cancer

once again

 

and I can’t imagine

walking this road

without Him

 

My life is still

for HIM,

not for me

 

Not what He does

for me

 

This is such a broken world, friends

 

And you hear and experience bad news

every

single

day

 

The signs are pointing

to the earth groaning

in preparation

for Jesus’ return

 

Be ready

 

And don’t get hung up

on whether God is good or not

when bad things happen

 

tossed and turned in your faith

by bad news

 

God warned us

of trials

and tribulations

and pain

 

and attacks from our circling

and preying

and vicious enemy

 

Stay with God

and do not be swayed by your feelings

about why He lets certain things happen

 

What kind of God would He be

if He claimed to be Love

and claimed to be good

and claimed to be just

and claimed to be ALL the things He claimed to be

 

and then forfeited it all

by allowing trials in a Christ-Follower’s life?

 

It’s not possible

 

He is perfect

and His ways are right

 

And what a patient and amazing God

to reach into our broken world

 

and provide salvation from it?

 

I choose to rest in Him

in this cancer journey

 

And believe what you will,

but I have been singing His praises with joy

since I got up this morning

 

– Susie Stewart

 

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.

– Romans 8:22, 23 (NIV)

 

Jesus Christ is [eternally changeless, always] the same yesterday and today and forever.

– Hebrews 13:8 (AMP)

 

But as for me, I will sing about Your power.
    Each morning I will sing with joy about Your unfailing love.
For You have been my refuge,
    a place of safety when I am in distress.

– Psalm 59:16 (NLT)

 

Photo by Susie Stewart

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Advantage

/ Susie Stewart / Leave a comment

You’ve been through so much

and it hurts

 

But can you imagine

going through your pain

without Jesus?

 

Truly alone,

is no place to be

when you are hurting

 

But for the Christ-Follower,

alone is not an option

 

Your God never leaves you

 

And never is a long time

 

Your God never forsakes you

 

and never is a long time

 

Your God is there

and His Divine advantage is yours

in the struggle

 

Comfort,

spirit-deep comfort,

is yours

through Him

 

Just think…

you could be going through all of this

without Him

 

But you’re not

 

And that makes all the difference

in the world

 

– Susie Stewart

 

…the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

– Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

 

…Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.
When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

– Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV)

 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

– Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

 

You, too, are being completed in Him, the One who has dominion over all rule, all authority.

– Colossians 2:10 (VOICE)

 

Photo by Susie Stewart

 

 

Tears

/ Susie Stewart / 1 Comment

I had a good cry this morning

 

Because of fatigue

and chronic pain

and sadness over small stuff

 

And after all the tears

and pouring out my heart

to husband listening

 

I felt better

 

Not wonderful,

but better

 

And then I read a post

from my friend Sandy

about tears

 

And it got me to thinking….

 

About emotion

and expression

and pain in this life

 

And I think

that tears are a gift

 

They cleanse

and show depth

and express

 

the heart

 

And I also thought

of how we not only cry

when sad or in pain

 

but with joy

 

How closely related

pain and joy

really are

 

How water flows

out of the windows

to the soul

 

and that is how

we deeply show

the pains and the joys

of life here

 

But when we arrive

in heaven

all those tears will be gone

 

The pain will be gone

death will be gone

sadness will be gone

 

And even our tears of joy

will be gone

 

For all will be contentment

all of the time

 

No need for moments

of sheer joy

 

ALL will be joy

 

But for now

tears are a gift

 

A show

of what is

heart-deep

 

A river

of pain and joy

 

– Susie Stewart

 

On the subject of tears: God gave us the ability to cry for a reason — so if you feel sad and feel like crying — do so and do so as long as you can —- let every last tear fall – don’t repress them —- tears are the way God heals our hearts —- and afterwards you feel very refreshed — kind of like a good rain after a long dry spell. Oh, and never ever tell someone not to cry — so damaging to the spirit!  And don’t say “I am sorry you are sad” —- sadness is a natural human emotion and nothing to feel shame about!
I had a good cry on Thursday and I felt so good and joyful afterward. I will be missing my Drew coming down from Boulder this Thanksgiving —- He can not come down from heaven but I can go up — and what a glorious day that will be!
Psalm 126:8 Those who sow in tears will reap songs of joy —– and that is exactly what happened!

– Sandy Marthaler 

 

Thank you, Sandy, for your beautiful post!  ❤

 

Then I saw a new Heaven and a new earth, for the first Heaven and the first earth had disappeared and the sea was no more. I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, descending from God out of Heaven, prepared as a bride dressed in beauty for her husband. Then I heard a great voice from the throne crying, “See! The home of God is with men, and He will live among them. They shall be His people, and God Himself shall be with them, and will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death shall be no more, and never again shall there be sorrow or crying or pain. For all those former things are past and gone.”

– Revelation 21:3-5 (PHILLIPS)

 

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.

– Psalm 126:5 (NLT)

 

Jesus burst into tears.

– John 11:35 (ISV)

 

David got up from his hiding place beside the boulder, then fell on his face to the ground—three times prostrating himself! And then they kissed one another and wept, friend over friend, David weeping especially hard.

Jonathan said, “Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God’s name, saying, ‘God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!’”

– 1 Samuel 20:41,42 (MSG)

 

He Knows

/ Susie Stewart / 2 Comments

Has no one noticed your sorrow,

Friend?

 

Does your anguish

fall on deaf ears?

 

Feeling unseen

and unheard

causes an ache deep

 

But I want you to know

that nothing escapes

the watchful eye of God

 

He hears the thunderous drop

of your silent tears

 

He is wide awake aware

of your pain

 

And you can have unique joy

right in the middle of your sorrow

 

for Perfection

loves you

right in this place

 

And you don’t need to feel

unseen and unheard

 

because there is not a single person

on this earth

 

whose attention on you

 

matters more

than the attention of Eternal God

 

He knows

 

– Susie Stewart

 

I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,
for You have seen my troubles,
and You care about the anguish of my soul.

– Psalm 31:7 (NIV)

 

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.

– Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

 

Lord, my longings are sitting in plain sight, my groans an old story to You. My heart’s about to break; I’m a burned-out case. Cataracts blind me to God and good; old friends avoid me like the plague. My cousins never visit, my neighbors stab me in the back. My competitors blacken my name, devoutly they pray for my ruin. But I’m deaf and mute to it all, ears shut, mouth shut. I don’t hear a word they say, don’t speak a word in response. What I do, God, is wait for You, wait for my Lord, my God—You will answer! I wait and pray so they won’t laugh me off, won’t smugly strut off when I stumble.

– Psalm 38:8-10 (MSG)

 

Photo by Susie Stewart

Pain & Joy

/ Susie Stewart / Leave a comment

Isn’t it interesting

that in going through a deep valley

 

where all is stripped away

 

we can learn what true joy is?

 

In the hurt

and the less

and the want

 

we learn to look up

 

and we find that the joy

is not really in the circumstances

 

but in the Savior

 

It’s not in the stuff

but in the Divine relationship

 

always being strengthened

by the reliance on who is in control

 

Isn’t it interesting

how pain and joy can co-exist?

 

That joy doesn’t always look

like happiness?

 

But it does look

content

 

Because of who we lean into

 

– Susie Stewart

 

And my God will liberally supply (fill until full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

– Philippians 4:19 (AMP)

 

But godliness actually is a source of great gain when accompanied by contentment [that contentment which comes from a sense of inner confidence based on the sufficiency of God].

– 1 Timothy 6:6 (AMP)

 

So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength].

– 2 Corinthians 12:10 (AMP)

 

…constantly rejoicing in hope [because of our confidence in Christ], steadfast and patient in distress, devoted to prayer [continually seeking wisdom, guidance, and strength],

– Romans 12:12 (AMP)

 

Photo by Susie Stewart

 

Thy Will Be Done

/ Susie Stewart / Leave a comment

 

“In all things,

our family says,

‘Thy will be done'”

 

I looked up at her on her porch

from my trailside fence position

 

My friend Becky

had just gone to see her brother

 

Stage 4 cancer

and things looking bleak

 

I told her I was sorry

and she gave a small smile

with the reply,

 

“In all things our family says,

‘Thy will be done'”

 

It wasn’t a typical response

to looming death

 

It wasn’t what I expected to hear

from grieving sister

 

And it impacted me

right down to the dirt I was standing on

 

It made me think

about You, Jesus,

 

Bowing Your will

to the plan of Your Father

 

Bowing Your fears

Bowing Your wants

 

In the face of pain

and death

 

“Not my will, but Yours be done”

 

May that be the simple sentence

that permeates my life

 

For there are times

when Your will

does not match mine

 

But I bow

everything

to You

 

Thy will be done

 

– Susie Stewart

 

 

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

– Matthew 22:42 (NIV)

 

…Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

– Matthew 6:10 (NIV)

 

Our God is in the heavens, and He does as He wishes.

– Psalm 115:3 (NIV)

 

Now may the God of peace—
who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
and ratified an eternal covenant with His blood—
may He equip you with all you need
for doing His will.
May He produce in you,
through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to Him.
All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen.

– Hebrews 13:20,21 (NLT)

 

Photo by Arik Stewart

 

Beyond

/ Susie Stewart / Leave a comment

It is good to be present

 

here

now

 

But it is also good to focus beyond

 

there

future

 

For when we suffer

when we have trials

when today is heavy

 

Beyond

is a comfort

 

And Jesus will always

give us hope for the beyond

 

Beyond the suffering

Beyond the trial

Beyond this life

 

Jesus endured the cross

for the joy beyond

 

We endure the pain of sinful earth

for the joy of Heaven

 

Always hope

for the beyond

 

– Susie Stewart

 

 

And so now, we wait.  We wait for our bridegroom.  “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning” (Psalm 130:6).  We lean on the windowsill of eternity, look to the sky, and whisper, “Come quickly, Lord Jesus, come quickly.”

Oh when will He come?

And every once in a while, when our heart grows weary of waiting, the Lord revives us with snatches of joy…It is a preview of the joy that will overtake us when, finally, the Lord Himself will come down from Heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.  And so we will be with the Lord forever” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17).

And it will all happen in the twinkling of an eye.

Before we realize it, if we are blessed to be living at the time of His return, we shall find ourselves in the embrace of our Savior at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.  Heaven will have arrived.  The Lord’s overcoming of the world will be a lifting of the curtain of our five senses, and we shall see the whole universe in plain sight.  Life and immortality will no longer be dim thoughts, but vivid and strikingly real.  At first, the shock of joy may burn with the brilliant newness of being glorified, but in the next instant we will be at peace and feel at home, as though it were always this way, that we were born for such a place.  At that moment, earth will seem like a half-forgotten dream, pleasant enough, but only a dream.

– Joni Eareckson Tada

 

…For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

– Hebrews 12:1,2 (NIV)

 

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

– 2 Corinthians 4:17,18 (MSG)

 

Photo by Susie Stewart

Tight Grip

/ Susie Stewart / Leave a comment

I know your hand is outstretched

and I know You are trustworthy

so I choose to reach up to You

to grasp Your hand tightly

and to follow where You lead

 

The world is reaching out its hand to me too

with empty promises

and things that don’t fill

and roads with dead ends

 

I choose not to reach down

and take the hand of the world

for it will never satisfy

and there are many broken, plastic, soul-starved people

appearing fulfilled,

but are not

as they hold the hand of the world

 

I follow You, Jesus.

 

For every life has sorrow

and every life pain

and every life has its struggles,

but no matter the road

I want to be holding on to You

and despair will not come

 

 

You will strengthen

and comfort

and uphold

and inspire

and defend

 

and always Love

 

I am IN this world,

but holding tight to You

I will not be pulled downward

For I am IN it

but not OF it

 

I am free

 

My otherworldliness comes

by citizenship

in Your beautiful Kingdom.

 

I will follow the King.

 

– Susie Stewart

 

 

If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there Your hand will guide me,
and Your strength will support me.

– Psalm 139:9,10 (NIV)

 

So I let them follow their own stubborn desires,
living according to their own ideas.
Oh, that my people would listen to Me!
Oh, that Israel would follow Me, walking in My paths!
How quickly I would then subdue their enemies!
How soon My hands would be upon their foes!

– Psalm 81:12-14 (NLT)

 

And whoever does not carry their cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.

– Luke 14:27 (NIV)

 

 

Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.

– Isaiah 30:21 (NLT)

 

But Jesus took him by the hand and helped him to his feet, and he stood up.

– Mark 9:27 (NLT)

 

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.

– 1 John 2:15 (NLT)

 

“My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given Me, because they belong to You.  All who are Mine belong to You, and You have given them to Me, so they bring Me glory.  Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to You. Holy Father, You have given Me Your name; now protect them by the power of Your name so that they will be united just as We are.  During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name You gave Me. I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

“Now I am coming to You. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with My joy.  I have given them Your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world.  I’m not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.  They do not belong to this world any more than I do.  Make them holy by Your truth; teach them Your word, which is truth.  Just as You sent Me into the world, I am sending them into the world.  And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by Your truth.

– John 17:9-19 (NLT)

Mender

/ Susie Stewart / 3 Comments

 

images

 

Are you in a state of disappointment?

A state of hurt?

Has someone pained your heart

messed with your mind?

 

Is it all you can do

not to focus on imaginary conversations

you would have

if you could

speak vengeance?

If you had the courage to hurt back?

 

All your focus

All your focus

on that offender…

 

Because, after all,

the offense continues…

in your mind

or in real life.

 

Your heart begs to be mended.

 

If you could,

you would have a surgeon stitch

all the torn parts

because it hurts

and it consumes

and it is all you can think about.

 

We are a broken people.

 

We need mending.

 

Only the Uncreated

can truly mend

the created’s heart.

 

The only thing is…

You’ve got to force your focus

off the offender

and onto the Mender.

 

Only then can you genuinely heal.

 

And like the best of all surgeons

He stitches up

and binds up

and HEALS

your broken heart.

 

So that your focus

will stay on Him

the One who loves and cares the most.

 

Let Him mend.

Don’t stay broken.

 

Then God’s mending love

can reach out to others broken

through you.

– Susie Stewart

 

 

 

 

The Point

/ Susie Stewart / 4 Comments

So that was the point.

 

The point of the difficulty.

The point of the suffering.

The point of the disappointment.

The point of the pain.

 

To know You.

 

I miss that sometimes.  I think it’s all about me and what I’m supposed to learn about myself.

But really, it’s not much about me.

It’s about You, God.

It’s all about You.

And the great lengths You go to to draw us near to Your side.

 

My life is to love you with abandon, and to bring You glory.

That includes the pain, the brokenness.

 

Life,

minus the pain,

equals….

 

…not learning of Your closeness to the brokenhearted.

…not hearing your comforting tone.

…not realizing that You are the only true faithful One.

…not knowing that you are the Friend that sticks closer than a brother.

…not experiencing Your timely providence.

…not depending solely on You.

….not following Your gentle lead as Shepherd.

…not knowing the depths of Your love.

…not witnessing Your awesome power.

…not feeling Your arms around me.

…not knowing what it is to be more than a conqueror through You.

…not learning that You are completely trustworthy.

…not having awareness of the joy of obedience.

…not learning of Your unconditional love.

…not experiencing Your healing touch.

…not grabbing Your firm grip.

…not being changed by Your forgiveness.

…not seeing Your Kingdom here on earth.

…not worshiping You with tears.

…not being able to relate to the pain You endured for me.

 

You, my God, took my knowledge of You

and turned it into my experience of You.

 

You took what I knew in my mind,

and filled my heart with it.

 

Job, man of many a trial, battered and bruised from the fight, said after his dark, dark night,

“I had only heard about You before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.”  Job 42:5 (NLT)

 

You will fill every wounded soldier that looks to You.

That wants to know You.

To experience

You.

– Susie Stewart

 

“When God places you in a challenging situation, take it as a signal that He will be glorified – and that you will come to know Him in a deeper way.  Because He’s going into the challenge with you.  And you’ll know Him even better on the other side….To know Him is the grand goal and adventure of life.  Inviting you into more intimate fellowship with Him will always be one of His primary reasons for steering you in one direction or the other.  Don’t just be listening to hear Him.  Be listening to know Him.”  ~Priscilla Shirer

“Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.”  John 17:3 (NIV)